Somali pirates seize pursued Danish

MOGADISHU – Somali pirates seized the entire Danish navy yesterday.

The Danish navy was patrolling the Indian Ocean as part of a multinational anti-piracy coalition that also includes the United States, China, and Canada.

Piracy has grown considerably in the Indian Ocean over the past few years, most likely due to romanticized portrayals of pirates in the media, which have proven highly popular in Somalia.

The Danish government condemned the pirates in a press release.

However, several countries’ leaders chose instead to react to the news over Twitter.

“Heard that a whole country’s navy got captured. Relieved it wasn’t Canada,” wrote Prime Minister Stephen Harper.

“Lulz @ Denmark,” wrote Chinese President Hu Jintao.

“Seine Kriegsmarine ist Scheisse!1!!,” wrote German Chancellor Angela Merkel.

When asked why the pirates pursued the Danish navy, pirate lord Donny Jepp responded, “I just said I wanted a Danish, savvy – a flaky crust and a fruity filling.”

An anonymous source inside the Danish government has indicated that Queen Margrethe II of Denmark will be flying to Mogadishu to personally deliver Jepp a request that he return the navy, along with a pastry…on a platter.

It remains to be seen whether Jepp will be inclined to acquiesce to that request.