McGill wastes water

W ith lower campus going car-free in two years, McGill made sure to let Nature know who’s still boss as it wasted litres upon litres of water for no apparent reason Thursday.

Security staff took time off of telling cyclists to dismount their petrol-free peace mobiles and were instead paid to make sure the hoses kept a-flowin’, as streams of prosperity rushed toward the drain.

“We don’t go chasin’ waterfalls, we make them, mutha-f–” said one McGill administrator before realizing ending that sentence would be totally unnecessary.

They did, however, say that the measure was appropriate considering Canada is the largest producer of fresh water in the world.

“Learned that one on those tubes you call the innerned.... I mean whatever, it’s like, we have lots of this stuff, other people have less,” they said, adding, “No one made a fuss when Iraq set its oil ablaze in celebration of America’s arrival in 2003. Remember that? Man, so baller!”

With the Sustainability Office up and running and piles of cash coming in for environmental initiatives, apparently administrators were worried that this “new look” could make Board of Governors members – more than half of whom come from outside corporate strongholds – uncomfortable.

“Look, we just want to make sure everyone gets their views heard – in no way can the University be seen to stifle discussion,” another admin said, adding, “Except when it comes to people protesting on campus – obviously we have to draw the line somewhere.”