P.M. distracts with tricks, jokes

Stephen Harper attempted to distract voters from prorogation at an international conference this Monday by performing magic tricks and telling vulgar jokes.

“Um, check this out,” said the prime minister before pretending to pull a cigarette out of his anus.

Harper later returned to the stage wearing black and white facepaint to perform a KISS-style cover of “With a Little Help From My Friends.” He concluded the number by screeching “Fuck the Man!” into the microphone.

Harper’s long routine, which involved at least 30 changes of costume and over 100 yards of sequins, seemed not to spark the audience’s interest.

“How come you’re here and not in Ottawa?” shouted one spectator. “Don’t you have business to do – THE BUSINESS OF DEMOCRACY, SIR?”

Harper was quick on his feet, however. Undaunted: “I need to suspend democracy at home in order to expand democracy abroad. It’s as simple as that.

“Do you think it’s a fucking coincidence that Parliament was supposed to reconvene on the same day I scheduled this conference?”

—With notes from Egon Alvina