Post-structuralist theorist and deconstructivist aficianado Judith Butler announced at a press conference today that she had “co-founded” Queer Theory to cultivate “marginality” and “radicalism” among “Arts” students “everywhere.”
“Unfortunately, we’ve decided that teaching students some white straight male’s version of what constitutes ‘gay history and culture’ was not sufficient,” Butler told The Twice-a-Weekly. “So I was like, ‘hey, why not spend our time doing more productive things like, I don’t know, dismantling the naturalization of heterosexuality and resisting the violence that is continuously perpetuated through ideal gender norms? Simple stuff, really.”
Acclaimed American fuckface and author of Patriarchy? In my oppressive society? Bruce B’awww-er called the move a “an overall bad move” and said that although oppression was a “real thing, probably,” students and academics should just stop making a “big fucking deal about it.”
“These people are saying that my penis doesn’t naturally determine how I think,” he said. “I disagree, as a case in point: I am kind of a dick.”
In a groundbreaking article in the Ottawa Plebeian, B’awww-er demonstrated a link between Queer Theory, Women’s Studies, Black Studies, and the philosophy of Karl Marx.
“It all goes back to Karl,” he said. “I sketched it out and it all made sense.”
B’awwer added that students would be better served by studying “objective facts” about “history.”
“I’m sure everyone can agree on what ‘history’ is,” he said. “And by ‘everyone,’ I really mean rich white males.”
Meanwhile, Butler said that since Queer Theory was now “legit,” everyone could just stop performing their gender roles.
“It’s over people; we can just stop performing our gender roles and go home,” she announced to the relief of everyone. “Also, could we try performing things that aren’t so fucking destructive next time? Because this sort of role-playing stinks.”
Laurent Berlant is the Georgia Marie Pullman Professor of English at the University of Anti-Oppression.