Content warning: anti-Indigenous violence, abuse, alcoholism
A yellow house,
Nothing big, nothing fancy, it that was more than I could ask for, and it was more than I needed,
And please believe that I did appreciate it,
Stuck between a boring life, and a country life,
Life should have been so apathetic, so deserted,
And it killed me knowing I might never leave and see the world,
I despised, that fucking honkey ass white class town,
And I tried to run away, I tried to give you reasons to kick me out, to throw me out like trash to put me where I belonged,
But to end life, was out of the question, like father like daughter, so bare with me for the moment to say goodbye,
Goodbye to my fatherís remains, no more crawling to your grave in the middle of the night seeking comfort and salvation
Thereís so many lows in this life of mine, dad
Defeated at that times, tempted to cuddle up with the wine bottle,
But you werenít suppose to leave me at ten years of age and every once in a while I hear you whisper ìthere, there my girl be strongî
So goodbye small town, goodbye humble beginnings,
And what the fuck was I thinking?
I left home in such a rush that I forgot that I was too naive and foolish to be free at only sixteen
Lost in sorrow canít let go of the pain feeding the addiction, this wasnít who I was meant to be, another low life Indian
So I pushed friends away and I went back to the basics, and I found myself amongst the trees and along the river beds
This is peace, this is contentment,
And this is new, Mother Nature, Creator, I believe I finally found you
So goodbye to my friends at the house of whites, God, Jesus Christ!
Itís nothing personal you see but it hurts to be brown and not feel a connection
Too many questions to have faith, to be faithful, no more communion, no more wise tales, no more horror, cause if youíre scared, you go to Church,
Iíll proudly wear my sins on my skin forever tagged and forever true
But this much I do know, ignorance is bliss and the more I learn about humans the more I need to distance myself from large groups,
Silly folks this isnít America, false dreams have you thinking that life is about having it all, well Iím a broke ass Indian thatís probably richer than them all
And before I say I know it all, I had to say miigwech (thank you) to my friends, to my family to my teachers and to my elders for showing me the how and why for installing the tools of what were taught and putting more action into thought
And like a sparrow, Iíll always come back home but right now I still need to learn how to fly…
My name is Miigiizikwe, it means Eagle Woman but I still feel like a girl
This poem was originally recited at Injustice Not Forgotten: McGill Student Walkout & demonstration.