I don’t think that I want to live without social media, but even if I did, I didn’t use to believe that it could be an option. Even though I use social media more than most people around me (I have a sticker on my laptop that says “chronically online”), I was under the impression that having social media was not optional. I assumed social media had become ubiquitous and that you had to have it in order to be a functioning, involved, and successful member of your community. I thought that it was solely social media, specifically Instagram, that made me aware of the general “opinion” or state of things in the world (like slang, trends, cultural shifts, etc.), and without knowing these things, there was no way that I, or anyone else, could be normal or cool.
This belief was entirely upended when I met Mara Gibea. Mara is an undergraduate student studying political science, and when I met her this past November, she did not have any social media. She only opened an Instagram account in late December of last year.
I trace social media’s influence on my life back to the COVID pandemic. I, like everyone else my age, was sequestered in my room for months, with one of the few things I could turn to being my phone. Social media shifted from something I enjoyed partaking in to my only way to interact with friends and experience community. In that era of the internet age, we all had near-complete control over our image and how we were perceived. “-Cores” and aesthetics became a focus of social life; we grouped ourselves into categories and became hyperfixated on what life was like outside of the digital world.
As such, my idea of “normal” was no longer solely constructed by my immediate community but in that digital space that I occupied, my little corner of the internet. So, when I met someone who chose not to allow their identity to be constructed on or by social media, I was shocked. She was so delightful, stylish, and funny! How did she manage to construct her identity without social media, when I felt like I owed so much of my identity to it?
I interviewed Mara via Instagram DM to pick her brain about all things social media.
Interview has been edited for clarity and conciseness.
Evelyn Logan for The McGill Daily (MD): Why did you decide not to have social media? When we met, were you on a detox, or have you never had it?
Mara Gibea (MG): I first got Snapchat and Instagram in the seventh grade at 12 years old – only three years after getting my first phone. I got it because a friend helped convince my mom to let me get it. As someone who was already hyperfixated on her appearance, social media expanded the areas that I compared myself to others: from looks, to academic performance, to friends and family. It felt like my life was not good enough on its own, and soon, I began relying on social media for my happiness, not only to keep in touch with others.
But keeping in touch with others is what I missed once I deleted all social media platforms. This was in 12th grade at the age of 17. From then on, I was able to better control who I surrounded myself with, compared to when people would involuntarily pop up on my social media. I will admit – not having social media in my first year, especially during FROSH, was hard, because it felt like too much of a commitment to give my number to people who I met casually. But it helped me put myself out there more and make genuine connections!
Even if I have a small friend group, I’ve honestly never been happier. This is why I redownloaded Instagram and TikTok, because I feel secure enough to not expose myself to things that don’t serve me. My accounts are to keep in touch with people I actually know now, instead of adding mutuals for more followers. Because of this, I feel more comfortable posting silly photos. In other words, taking a break from social media allowed me to maintain my authenticity once I got it back.
MD: Very interesting, because I’ve noticed that there’s been a shift on social media where people are now trying to appear more authentic and relatable rather than being entirely performative or fake. But still, I feel like this “authenticity” is a performance as well. Since coming back to social media, has the performative nature of it become clearer to you?
MG: I completely agree! I’ve noticed that some people are performative with their authenticity, as consumers have increased their demand for that kind of content. And it seems like, once again, performative vs. authentic sides of the content spectrum are becoming polarized. For me, I would say that while I can spot performative content that pretends to be authentic, it is still hard to do so, but that may also be because of the break that I took from social media. At the same time, this may be true for others who have not taken a break from social media because nowadays, we consume so much short-form content that we don’t have enough time to process what we are watching and make an active decision on the content’s level of authenticity.
MD: I agree. Even though I spend so much time on social media, I still have to check myself when I come across something that’s meant to be authentic. When you weren’t on social media, did you feel out of touch with trends? Did it bother you?
MG: I didn’t feel significantly left out of trends because I noticed them manifesting around me in person, such as last winter with the colourful scarfs and now with the Arcteryx beanie. These are things I noticed before re-downloading social media, so I didn’t necessarily need it to stay on trend, but if I had more niche trends that I was interested in, I feel like that would be heavily maintained through social media, especially if it’s not something you see day-to-day. However, in terms of vocabulary/slang, it sometimes felt awkward having to rely on my friends to explain to me what the new trending phrases would be, such as “demure.”
To social media or not to social media is a question! There are so many different ways to be online without being on social media, like reading blogs or finding interesting websites. Even though we are in a digital age, it doesn’t mean that we have to feel trapped or like we don’t have the ability to opt out, because we do. At its core, social media is supposed to help connect you with your friends, and if it starts to become a source of anxiety or deplete your mental health, you don’t have to partake!