My “oats + porridges” Pinterest board currently houses 257 pins – recipes for overnight oats, tiramisu oats, carrot cake oats, blended oats, you name it. To say that I’m obsessed with oatmeal would be a small understatement. My fondest memories are accompanied by oatmeal: I have been breakfasting with Coach’s Steel-Cut Oats since I was old enough to eat solids. The only thing that got me through the hell that was summer camp was Quaker’s Maple Brown Sugar Instant Oats. Studying in Scotland has taught me the art of the true Scottish porage. I go to bed dreaming of my morning oats.
If there is an oats expert in this world, I can confidently identify as such. However, I am aware that my passion for porridge is not widely shared; this is simply because you have not had correct oatmeal. There is a method. Take notes.
Firstly: all oatmeal is porridge, but not all porridge is oatmeal. Porridge is any grain or starch cooked down in liquid until macerated. Oatmeal specifically uses oats. The type of oat used is the most crucial decision in the oat-making process:
- Groats: Oats’ original form, kernel, shell, and all. They’re less common, as they take a long time to break down and have a much hardier flavour and chew.
- Old-Fashioned Rolled: Think of oatmeal, and you’re probably thinking of old-fashioned rolled oats. These are made by taking groats, steaming them, then rolling them into iconic flat petal-like flakes. The end result can, depending on the cooking method, either result in the stereotypical mush or a pleasantly soft, but still well-structured oat.
- Steel-cut: These are the oats of my childhood. Steel-cut oats are groats that are cut, as the name implies, with a steel blade into thinner pieces. They retain their grist, leading to a less mushy and more structured bite. They’re nuttier and more flavourful than rolled.
- Scottish: The Scots take groats and mill them, resulting in a finer grain that ends up a not unpleasant, yet undeniably gluey and creamy texture when cooked. To cook a true bowl of Scottish porridge (which I have learned through in situ experience), you must stir the oats clockwise with a spurtle, a wooden dowel-like utensil that somehow imparts the wisdom of the ancient Hebridean Scots to your oats.
- Quick/Instant Oats: These oats have been both sliced and rolled into the smallest granules (before you breach into oat flour territory), thus allowing them to cook the fastest. You’ll either end up with a bowl of soft, creamy, comforting porridge, or a bowl of pasty gruel. Either way, teeth are not required.
The methodology of oatmeal-making is as variable as the oats themselves. After you have decided upon your oat of choice, the cooking liquid is next. Typically, recipes call for water, milk, or both. All-milk will give you a luxurious bowl of the creamiest, silkiest oats. All-water allows the oats to shine, highlighting their texture and flavour – it’s also the most budget-friendly. To spice up your oats, using coffee or tea as your liquid of choice instantly adds flavour while combining your breakfast and morning caffeine into one handy bowl. Typically (though depending on the type of oat), a 2:1 ratio of liquid to oats is advised. This is negotiable: if you like a soupier oatmeal, add more liquid. If you prefer your oats more toothy, use less. Steel-cut oats, however, benefit best from a 3:1 ratio.
Oats are best cooked low and slow on the stove; however, time may not permit that. If you’re in a dash, add oats and liquid to a LARGE bowl to prevent overflow and keep your eye on it – they tend to explode. Microwave on high in 30-60-second increments, stirring in between, until you reach your desired texture. Note: oats will continue to absorb liquid as they cool; stop cooking just before your desired viscosity.
If you have extra time in the morning, consider toasting your oats on a dry skillet for about five minutes, until golden and aromatic. If you have zero time, consider making overnight oats: add equal parts oats and liquid, plus all desired flavourings, to a jar. Simply refrigerate overnight for a grab-and-go oat.
Still not a fan of traditional oatmeal texture? Try blending your oats. You can either blend overnight oats into a batter-like consistency or blend the raw ingredients and bake them. (You can also bake oatmeal without blending.)
I believe I never acquired a distaste for oatmeal because my mother has perfected her recipe: steel-cut oats, a generous pad of butter, brown sugar, cinnamon, and vanilla extract. If you’ve never liked oatmeal, it’s because you’ve never added butter.
A tried-and-true formula follows as such: Fat (peanut/almond butter, tahini, butter, olive/coconut oil) + Sweetener (maple syrup, brown/white sugar, honey, agave, molasses, jam) + Flavour Profile (expanded below) + Texture (chopped nuts, fruit, raisins, coconut flakes, seeds, milk/cream, sliced dates, chocolate chips, granola) + Nutritive Bonus (hemp hearts, chia seeds, ground flax seeds, protein powder, shredded beetroot/zucchini/carrot, maca powder, yogurt/cottage cheese).
For a classically sweet oatmeal, think add-ins like cinnamon, nutmeg, allspice, cloves, ginger, cardamom, cocoa powder, turmeric, matcha, orange/lemon zest, pumpkin purée, or vanilla/almond/coconut extract. Combinations range from a haldi doodh (“golden milk”)-inspired blend of turmeric, ginger, cardamom, and cinnamon, to a gingerbread-esque porridge with molasses, cinnamon, nutmeg, cloves, ginger, and allspice. Cook oats with grated apple for a call-back to Quaker’s Apple Cinnamon instant oats. Adorn your oats with dates, olive oil, and flaky sea salt for a sophisticated bowl.
If sweet isn’t your style, try savoury: garam masala, curry powder, cumin, green chiles, miso, tomatoes, pesto, yolky egg, nutritional yeast, soy sauce, hot sauce, avocado, mushrooms, onion, garlic, chives, shallots, chopped meat, cheese, spinach – the list goes on. While savoury oats may sound strange, I highly recommend you give them a chance. Try miso, kale, and soft-boiled eggs or dashi and radishes for Japanese-style bowls. Add a French twist with mushrooms and thyme.
Whatever profile you choose, ALWAYS ADD SALT. Salt awakens the nutty complexity of the oats, elevating them from simple grain to heavenly gold.
If you want to up your protein, stir a raw egg in your oats right after taking them off the stove. The residual heat will cook the egg into a delicious cake-batter-esque custard. You can also add Greek yogurt, cottage cheese, protein powder (…if you must, though the resulting texture may not outweigh the better macros), or hemp hearts.
If I’ve tempted you down the rabbit hole of oatmeal, you may find yourself experimenting with different porridge grains (buckwheat, quinoa, barley, amaranth) and methods (congee, Crock Pot, steamed, fermented). I believe the next step in the evolution of my porridge mania is growing my own oats.