Campus pagans gathered to thumb their noses at the papacy Thursday, throwing themselves into McGill’s only baptismal font with reckless abandon, leaving a trail of Hawaiian shorts and plastic beer cups behind them.
Religious Studies student Nam Seylon wasn’t bothered by the soaking wet debauchery. “Pagans are people too. People with beliefs. Beliefs in the divinity of the Sun, the holiness of fire, and unprotected sex with multiple anonymous partners in public. While drunk.”
Meanwhile, across campus, Daily staffers bullied and harassed engineering students.
“The warm, soothing power of Christ compels me,” said U5 Phrenology major Cornelius William Twittrephede IV. “Moahmmed too. Solid dude,” Twitterphede added, before disappearing to examine the lumps on classmates’ heads.
Somewhere, O’Ria McRean cried into his soggy PB&J. O to have a friend…
*Check out O’Ria McRean on Twitter twitter.com/oriamcrean! *