As we are approaching the end of November, homesickness is probably no stranger to students; especially McGill’s first years.
Almost everyone has experienced what it is like to miss the place from which we came. To miss the feeling of a sibling’s embrace, the smell of your mother’s freshly baked cookies, or the sound of your dog pawing up the stairs. The warmth and familiarities of our childhood home, the people in it, and the place in which it resides serves as a guidepost from which we base so many memories of growth, childhood, and friendship off. Thus, it comes as no surprise that students living abroad will feel the ache of missing family and friends, and the so-called ‘simpler times’ – especially as the days get shorter and the work piles up.
Coping with homesickness is troublesome enough. Recently, however, it has grown in tandem with our reliance on technology. Through this entanglement with the digital world, we experience the paradoxical nature of being more connected than ever, yet at times, still feel disconnection and loneliness.
With the presence of cellphones in our daily lives, you can call home, FaceTime a friend, scroll through social media to see what people you knew in high school are up to – all within a Metro ride home from campus. Connection is immediate. At the touch of our fingertips, we can be transported. However, this instantaneous quality of technology also leads us to spend a disproportionate amount of time indulging in images on a screen, reminiscing about the past, and places we cannot physically return to at the moment. Tethering to the past restricts our ability to live in the present and furthers the loop of nostalgia that so often ensnares those who experience homesickness. But is this use of technology all bad? To what extent does it help or hinder the feeling of missing home?
Through one lens, the ability to use technology as a vessel to stay connected to home is a gift. I can’t count the number of times a random call to my sister made my day. A steady reassurance comes from the fact that no matter how far away in distance you might be, home is just one phone call away. We are also able to sustain memories and revisit moments through our camera rolls, or even indirectly check in on old friends from high school through their social media. Sometimes, that’s enough to feel close again, to feel home again, even if it’s for a fleeting moment.
However, like many things, this convenient comfort has its downsides. There is a dark side to this digital connection due to its ability to induce FOMO and create stagnation in our lives. While getting glimpses of home and reaching out to loved ones online is lovely, we might start to find ourselves becoming overconsumed by our need to feel connected. This overconsumption can prevent us from engaging in relationships and experiences the world around us has to offer. We may avoid new face-to-face interactions in favour of old ones, restrain from deepening our friendships, trying out new experiences, so much so that we miss the many opportunities in front of us. All of which further get us stuck in a loop where our coping strategy of dealing with one form of loneliness has created another. In short, the more we look back, the more we get lost.
Ultimately, in spite of the adverse implications, technology serves as a useful tool to navigate feelings of homesickness if used in a balanced and healthy manner. Rather than using homesickness as an excuse to withdraw and focus on the past, it can be used as motivation to accept and take on our future. The void we feel when we miss home can be the fuel that drives us to make new friends, establish new routines, and create new memories. These actions are not about replacing the old life with a new one; they are about growing to create your own sense of belonging and security wherever you go. Reframing our perspective to view the grief of letting go as an inherent part of growth can further aid us in this journey. The experience of homesickness, after all, is rooted in love. When we let go of things we love, grief inevitably follows. This is a simple truth: love and grief are two sides of the same coin. To be able to know the warmth of your grandmother’s hug, you must know the absence of her arms. To be able to know the sanctuary of your childhood bedroom, you must experience what it is like to be miles from it. Instead of letting ourselves sit in this longing, we can consider it a privilege; a privilege to have such fond memories, relationships, and places to cherish.
No matter the physical distance that may separate you from your home, the people and places you love will always be with you in some form. Experiencing homesickness is not a sign to cling to the past but to move forward with the understanding that your memories are always yours to hold. You can move through your world with the motivation to create new people and places to love whilst treasuring the old ones, knowing that nothing is ever really gone.