In case you aren’t aware, that’s not what MILF actually means. The actual acronym alludes to something much more sinister.
What’s the first thing one thinks of when they think of a cougar? Perhaps the animal, but now more than ever, the personality associated with it: an older woman who engages in relations with younger men.
The term has its origins in female degradation. Coined here in Canada, it was first derogatorily used to refer to older women who hung out at bars to go home with whatever men lingered at the end of the night. Over time, it has become progressively more neutral, with the relationship between older women and younger men becoming popularized through celebrity couples like Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher, who were 43 and 28 years old, respectively, when they married (though they have since divorced).
Once the butt of the joke in media like American Pie (1999), or the perverted villain in films like May December (2023), the MILF character has been revamped in the last year or so – think A24’s recent box office hit Babygirl (2024) or The Idea Of You (2024), which became Amazon MGM’s No. 1 romcom debut of all time. According to articles from The Guardian and Vogue, these films turn prevalent cougar stereotypes on their heads by framing the film as a typical thriller or romcom, thereby removing the taboo imposed on them. This compels us to ponder the societal shifts in the perceptions of MILFs and the older woman-younger man relationship.
The transgressiveness of cougars is rooted in traditional values of sex as a purely biological process and sexuality as merely a means to facilitate it. Ergo, open sexual expression has historically been heavily frowned upon especially in women, no matter their age. Once women age “past their biological prime,” they are often thrust to the wayside. Meanwhile, men’s appeal seems to remain constant, if not rise as they age, construed as accruing maturity and experience. This hypocrisy is explored in The Idea Of You, where Anne Hathaway’s character laments her ex-husband divorcing her for a younger woman and the double standard between his perceived attractiveness increasing and hers decreasing “as if time were paced differently for each of [them].”
Cougar cinema upends this notion, rendering the older woman the central character of interest in both the relationship and the film – in other words, making her a MILF. This empowers women by illustrating how they are desirable, not in spite of, but because of their age. In a world where women juggle competing expectations of purity and promiscuity, the foregrounding of women’s beauty and sexuality de-stigmatizes and prompts conversations about them. Halina Reijn, the director of Babygirl, describes the film in interviews with The New Yorker and ELLE as a “role-playing […] fairy tale” that juxtaposes notions of women being “clean” and “virgin”, which Reijn (and most other women) grew up feeling the pressure to embody.
Moreover, considering MILF leads often already possess wealth and an established career, traditional gendered relations that give men financial power over women are challenged, reinforcing female independence. Nicole Kidman’s character in Babygirl is a high-flying CEO in a torrid affair with her intern (Harris Dickinson), and her character in A Family Affair (2024) is a Pulitzer-winning writer who finds herself attracted to her daughter’s celebrity boss (Zac Efron).
The positive impacts of these films extend beyond the screen. A study found that men represented 64 per cent of older characters in film – almost twice as many as women’s 33 per cent. Worse still, male characters were often active contributors to the plot, while women were more likely to be side characters. Cougar cinema is thus an option for older actresses to maintain their relevance in the film industry – symptomatic of the perennial issue of a lack of diverse film roles for older women, which dramatically shortens their career lifespans.
This is all well and good. However, this also provokes the question: to what extent is cougar cinema a truly transgressive representation of women?
It is true that in cougar cinema, the female lead is given more attention and influence in her characterization, script, role, and so on. Sure, she is no longer a damsel in distress whose life revolves around a man. However, her characterization as a MILF still leaves something to be desired. Despite being given more lines and screen time, women are ultimately still reduced to objects of sexual pleasure. Realistically, the focus on their sexuality does more than just facilitate post-viewing dialogue – it also creates shock value, which drives the film’s advertising. Therefore, it’s hard to say that audiences tune in for the films’ feminist messaging and not the virality and “scandal” of it all. The novelty that tinges portrayals of women’s sexuality intrinsically commodifies it, reversing its intended de-stigmatization.
Jess Carbino, a former sociology researcher for Tinder and Bumble, investigated this phenomenon. “Why do film and television need to portray women’s liberation and empowerment as involving something transgressive?” she asks. She raises a salient point: amidst the sizable portfolio of movies where older men find themselves through broody reflection or far-off journeys, why should women have to commit social faux-pas to be deemed interesting?
The belief that cougar cinema is the primary solution to a lack of diverse roles for older actresses is patronizing and diminishing of women’s complexities and multi-dimensionalities. This is not to say that the currently popular depiction of women’s sexuality is not important. However, there are many other avenues to explore that do not have to involve sex, which, while an important tenet, is not the only aspect worth examining about older women. For example, Michelle Yeoh’s character in the Oscar-winning Everything Everywhere All At Once (2022) not only allowed Yeoh to transcend her previous roles in Chinese action films, but also portrayed the emotional, personal journey of an older woman finding her way in the world (or multiple worlds – if you know you know). The Substance (2024), which won Demi Moore her first-ever acting award (a Golden Globe, go figure) surrealistically depicts the immense pressures older women feel in losing their perceived desirability and relevance. These are universal issues that deserve more screen time to be illuminated rather than sensationalized.
The commercial success of these films indicates that cougar cinema is likely here to stay. It is unconventional, sexy, and breathes new life into an age-old trope by giving it a modern, feminist reframing. Classic favourites like Anne Hathaway and Nicole Kidman lead its foray into the cultural zeitgeist. Overall, it marks a step towards greater representation for older women in film. However, it is imperative that we also comprehend the fine line between shifting the status quo and underpinning its foundations. MILFism might be what sells, but surely, we can still do better.